“That’s what gets me through. The thought of that moment in time will pass. I got this tattoo early last year when I was going through all that stuff cause I kept having to remind myself. It’s in my daughters handwriting. I feel this about the pandemic too, you know, don’t worry. It will pass.”
We are getting back to ‘normal’ now. I live on my own. I’ve not been able to see my kids because the Mum is shielded, so they’ve not been able to too and fro. That’s the reason why I’m off sick cause it just got too much. We’d just got into a really good routine as well. Last year was really hard for me, we went through a battle in court, because she wasn’t allowing me to see the kids. Towards the end of last year, I was granted shared custody and it was built up gradually, and we had just got into a really good routine and then Corona came along. So yeah, I’ve found that the most difficult, not seeing my children.
I work in the council as a parenting practitioner, I love my job, I do really love it. That’s why I thought I needed time off a lot of it was on the phone and I just didn’t have the patience anymore with people who were struggling with their children at home 24/7, rightly so, but in my mind I was thinking at least you’ve got your kids, and it was really difficult. That’s when I said I need to step away for a bit, because my own stuff is coming in, and it shouldn’t. It’s mad. I think they’ll be teaching what is happening in the pandemic 20 years in schools.
It’s been hard. Really hard to the point where I had to switch the news off, I couldn’t watch anymore because it just felt like we were doomed. Things are never going to go back to normal. We are all going to die. You know, I remember thinking about that film Contagion and it was exactly like that. The other thing I found really difficult, really weird, is how all the adverts had become about the pandemics almost normalising it. Any products, it’s all home videos, whether it’s for shampoo or mortgage companies, it’s all ‘living in these uncertain times, we’re all here to help’ blah blah blah. It makes me feel uneasy it really does.
I used to make things, nothing big. In the dining room I used to have my tools out but once the children were allowed to come, I put them away. So I hadn’t done anything for ages and then someone said why don’t you get your tools out, and I was like I really can’t be bothered I know I should because, I was deep in depression, I really was. I knew logically it was the best thing to do to make myself busy and not just lay in bed, but finding the energy to do that was really hard and I just didn’t have any energy to do anything. Even turning the channel over was hard work. But, one day I just thought, right I’ll try a bit and then that was it. Not long ago I bought a massive mitre saw and you should see the dining room now, it’s got back to being a woodwork shop.
It’s been bonkers, everyone’s at different places with it. Some people, are really scared of going out of the house and catching it and then some people are just acting like it’s never happened, it’s just weird. Not everyone’s doing social distancing, not everyone’s doing no contact, and then some people are really, really strict because they are not even going out for walks or getting fresh air. SO yeah its been weird and interesting at the same time how we adapt, and you realise what’s important in life. Nothing out and doing things you save so much money and you kind of realise that, all that stuff you would have spent your money on you don’t actually need it, and at the end of the day what is important is human interaction. It’s just the simple things it really is, and another thing that I do is every now and again I will do a gratitude list, and write down the things that I’m grateful for, and that kind of makes you think it really is the small things, things like you know, I’ve got food, I’ve got a house I’ve got a car I’ve got family that’s all that matters.”